Friday, November 6, 2009

From the Heart of a Woman

/Women's Journal, December 1987

“Inside my skin is a far more interesting, energetic, and successful person than they believe myself to be.”

To begin then, I am a bit of a woman somewhat more than 20. I am abundantly enriched with wealth of another sort, a responsible husband and two little kids. I got married at the age of 23 and since then I quit work. I take care of the house and I take care of the children. I used to think sometimes how much I dream for achievements, to pursue a career maybe and rebuild for myself the self-esteem I once had.

When I went into housekeeping, I guess I became so modest, and that made me slow to talk and so easy to be repulsed. I know it is certainly no suspicion of deficient merit and unconsciousness of my non-value but I know to the whole extent, the dignity of my own character and the high value of my own power and performances. Oftentimes, I am sluggish in conversation yet I know that I have great intellectual treasures. My thoughts flow so fast and such rapidity of thought naturally promises a flow of talk.

Indeed, I dream so much and I want a self-image of success. I do not regret that I am a housewife, but I do make it a point that it will not be a hindrance to the declaration of my today and the promises of my tomorrow. I define it as an inspiration toward achieving my goals, and being the person I want to be – For God, for my family, and for all. I know I amount to a precious gem but most of the time I lack action and determination to go on. Maybe I'm afraid of what the circumstances would offer me, of compulsive thoughts, of self-criticism and guilt, of worrying about other people's opinions, of failing. I never want to fail, especially in my vocation and in my goals. And now, I try to be the best of what I am. I may have no choice but I have the will and no one can take it away from me. And so I realized that the way to get what I want is to be tough and hit first.

Now, you can tell what sort of woman I am. Indeed, I was very much to look at in my best days. Growth then stopped because my time was fully occupied. Beyond a certain point growth depended entirely on the ability to organize the work so that I could shift it to others.

I should take care of my kids, yes, in a sense that they can take care of themselves in my absence and they to be happy even if they are alone. Focusing in this few things often takes discipline and fervent prayer.

Regardless of what I do now, in this situation, my basic resource is time. I must always have a lookout for better ways to invest it productively. In my journey, I need to forget the past and not be bothered by tomorrow. I will live this day and live these hours of eternity. Never will I allow my heart to become small and bitter. I will share love and it will grow and warm the earth. Desiderata.
I am a woman I am a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars I have a right to be here.

A mother - that is me and my heart. Such is my profession of faith. I am blessed for blessedness is the peace of mind which springs from the intuitive knowledge of my God, and the perfection of my intellect is nothing but to understand God. To God I dedicate the prize!

Old published article, Women's Journal Magazine,
Rose Flores – Martinez, Edited, June 15, 2009

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